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Bummer Tornado Destroys Cool Jail
Amy Vorpahl and Erika Ishii's top story tonight: Mike Trapp is a little bitch.
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Freaky Lobsters Form Fashion Fad
John Milhiser and Jess Ross break a scandal about a sexy photo on a computer in Japan.
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Unimpressive Colleges Join Cheating Scandal
Shukri Abdi and Tao Yang report on summertime fun while Jess does the impression of her life.
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You Missed My Soccer Games, Dad
Brian Huskey and Raph are a father-son news team with issues to work out (on air).
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Climbing Gym Opens on Disappointing Riverwalk
Lauren Lapkus and Mary Holland dive deep in the local business of a lame town.
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Disgruntled Sewer Men Demand to Meet Ninja Turtles
Patrick McDonald and Katie Marovitch try to cancel teeth, but get distracted by their side projects.
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On-Set Hijinks: George Clooney Refuses to Leave Trailer
Mike Trapp interviews Mary Holland about a new movie that combines ABBA, Avatar, and the moon.
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Man Turns Home into Home Depot
Vic Michaelis and Rekha report on a town that deserves rain, and a Wolf Blitzer tongue twister.
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"Jazzy Taint" Sweeps the Nation
Mary Holland and Grant break stories on a mascot update and a hot new celebrity power couple.
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Webster's Adds New Word for Friend-Zoning Dermatologist
Rekha interviews Lauren Lapkus on her winning entrant for the Biggest Hog Contest at the state fair.
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Weatherman Confuses El Niño with La Llorona
Raph & Rekha ask "where are they now?" about Soviet space dogs & take a lady soap company to task.
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Super Long Diner Menu Sets New, Stupid Record
Caldwell Tanner & Ryan Creamer report on the hottest new festivals, from The Babadook to Cream Town.
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We're Here, We're Queer, We're Deer
Katie and Ele Woods give Daddy Updates & report on what Henry Winkler has been making out to.
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One in Four Americans Attracted to Their Sexy Cars
Brennan & Tao share auto-erotic tips from the Carfax fox and realize everyone has a cousin Ray.
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True Facts about Grant Anthony O'Brien
Brennan, Lily, and Tao give an in-depth report on Grant, from bad acting to bad bottoming.
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Inspector Gadget's Death Sparks Oscar Buzz
Jeffrey Self and Grant question the wetness of your shower and the necessity of Lutherans.
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Song of the Summer Offers Hard Spankings for the Boys
Andy Bustillos & Lily get the scoop on the whoop in the night, while teens trick Tao with Look Bait.
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Spaghetti Shack Shakes Up Galleria
Kimia Behpoornia and Brennan go nuts for noods before Tao gives them a marinara serenade.
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Dinosaurs Were Technically Birds
Elaine Carroll & Sam ignore a local murder and Brennan lists the perverted things that turn him on.
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Which of Your Friends Has Their Amber Alerts Turned Off?
A weatherwoman looks for Dean Cain in the rain. Brennan shares the “Marley and Me” of bunny stories.
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Big Brother’s Little Sister Cannot Be Turned Off
Chunky Scoop, the bad boy of the group, serves up piping hot news on the newest prescription drugs.
-
Moose Running Loose through the Mall of America
Grant and David Kerns report that only three raisins a day are enough to make you gross.
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Delicious Kitchen Fire Caramelizes Dozens of People
Stamps Dotcom & Marc Maron report that Russian Space Dog is back, and it thinks it’s better than us.
Season Leaderboard
| Name | Episodes | Points |
| Tao Yang | 13 |
|
| Grant O'Brien | 5 |
|
| Elaine Carroll | 1 |
|
| Brennan Lee Mulligan | 9 |
|
| Amy Vorpahl | 1 |
|
| Raphael Chestang | 5 |
|
| Jessica Ross | 3 |
|
| Mike Trapp | 7 |
|
| Sam Reich | 1 |
|
| Kellen Schneider | 1 |
|
| Erika Ishii | 1 |
|
| Lily Du | 6 |
|
| Rekha Shankar | 5 |
|
| Patrick McDonald | 1 |
|
| David Cyr Kerns | 2 |
|
| Shukri R. Abdi | 1 |
|
| Mary Holland | 3 |
|
| Kimia Behpoornia | 1 |
|
| Ryan Creamer | 1 |
|
| Andy Bustillos | 1 |
|
| Jeffery Self | 1 |
|
| Caldwell Tanner | 1 |
|
| Mano Agapion | 1 |
|
| Jon Gabrus | 1 |
|
| Ele Woods | 1 |
|
| Lauren Lapkus | 2 |
|
| Vic Michaelis | 1 |
|
| Siobhan Thompson | 1 |
|
| Ify Nwadiwe | 1 |
|
| Paul Robalino | 1 |
|
| John Milhiser | 1 |
|
| Jessica Clemons | 1 |
|
| Katie Marovitch | 12 |
|
| Brian Huskey | 1 |
|