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YMCA Water Is Only 1% Water (99% Old People Hair)
Raph & Carolyn hold weights and wear a mouth prop for the entire episode. The traffic news blows up.
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News Anchor Wants to Sell You His Smelly Car
Carolyn ignores the weather to pitch her screenplay. Raph tells a starchy story about girl's sports.
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“I Hate My Kids” Says Most Moms
Ryan Creamer & Trapp report on a saucy skating event. Elaine Carroll freestyle raps about Netflix.
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Conservative Man Accidentally Donates $1 Million to Redtube
Grant & Rekha talk hot topics & topical hotness. Ryan Creamer covers a bird birth at a Clippers game.
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Announcing Frozen 3, Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire
Grant & Raph report on rabies babies. Zac Oyama shows how many marshmallows can fit in his mouth.
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BTK Killer Gives a Foreboding Weather Forecast
Hulk Jr. improvises a eulogy and Shukri R. Abdi mimes her report on a live nuclear strike.
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News Crew Plans Terrible Trip to the Beach
Ryan Creamer reports on the wet weather and tries to whistle with a spoonful of flour in his mouth.
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Special Musical Broadcast Really Wails
Shukri and Ally perform music for Brennan and Ryan to dance to.
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A Report from the CollegeHumor Office
Trapp & Katie read a riveting report from the office. The team shares their favorite Grant memories.
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U2 Gets Me Too’d at a Scooby Doo Read-Through
Local man Roger rants about snake socks. Brennan reports from a county fair that’s lost its bear.
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Millennials Are Ruining Our Trash
Lily and Mano reveal that brains don't do anything. Carolyn lists off everything millennials have ever ruined.
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Mom Disappointed in Son… Again
Rekha tells a meaty maternal story about Trapp, and Brennan dives into Breaking News lore.
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God Does a Really Mean Impression of John Lithgow
Straight from the Vatican, our news team report that God just fucking HATES actor John Lithgow.
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My Weekend Was the Plot of Mrs. Doubtfire
Erika tries to understand the nuances of Mrs. Doubtfire while Brennan explains sin-based weather.
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Hot Dogs Are Made from People (but Still Tasty)
Kellen and Zac report on the truth behind hot dogs. Tao warns of a product recall on dildos.
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Good Morning, River View High!
The student news team at River View High School bring you the latest news on field trip tragedies.
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Welcome to Bug News
A bunch of bugs bring you the latest in bug news. Buzz buzz!
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Brian Hitler Is One of the 10 Worst Brians
Trapp tries to name the worst Brians while Brennan explains exactly how to talk to your neighbors.
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I'm Getting a FaceTime from a Greasy Little Puppet
The news crew report on the Wight Savior Country Musical Festival and how not to flirt.
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Handshakes for Men, Hugs for Women
Amy shows off some new dances. Brennan is a 12 year old trapped in an adult's body.
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All Hail Cello Chigglers!
Patrick reveals he's Mrs. Butterworth's loving husband while Lily reports from inside your anus.
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Spit in Your Hand to Honor the Troops
Ryan and Amy do the hot new dance craze that’s sweeping the nation.
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True Confessions of Real Newscasters
Rekha and Becca reveal their actual experiences and opinions. Grant shows off his best impressions.
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Making Peanut Butter Sandwiches with a Bowling Ball
Zac talks about a hostage situation gone wrong, while Ally gets real about a missing persons case.
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Huge Idiot Climbs Mount Everest
Carolyn reveals she never saw It: Chapter Two while Kellen reports on a group of arm-loving doctors.
Season Leaderboard
| Name | Episodes | Points |
| Carolyn Page | 5 |
|
| Ally Beardsley | 7 |
|
| Amy Vorpahl | 3 |
|
| Grant O'Brien | 6 |
|
| Erika Ishii | 3 |
|
| Ryan Creamer | 7 |
|
| Tao Yang | 6 |
|
| Rekha Shankar | 9 |
|
| Kellen Schneider | 5 |
|
| Brennan Lee Mulligan | 7 |
|
| Zac Oyama | 5 |
|
| Elaine Carroll | 3 |
|
| Raphael Chestang | 6 |
|
| Mike Trapp | 6 |
|
| Laci Mosley | 2 |
|
| Camirin Farmer | 2 |
|
| Mano Agapion | 2 |
|
| Becca Scott | 2 |
|
| Patrick McDonald | 2 |
|
| Lily Du | 3 |
|
| Shukri R. Abdi | 2 |
|
| Ashleigh Crystal Hairston | 1 |
|
| Katie Marovitch | 6 |
|